Note the inflammatory phrasing – this was intentional because, unfortunately, we’ve seen people worried that an ex-spouse will somehow take some social security benefits, costing you some of your own benefits. And, sadly again, sometimes people aren’t too happy with their ex-spouse.

But here’s the deal: Your ex-spouse can’t “go after” your benefit. Your ex may be able to collect a spousal and/or survivor benefit based on your earnings history, but it has absolutely nothing to do with you anymore. It has no impact on you, your benefits, your heirs, nothing.

On the other hand, hopefully your ex is consulting with someone to make sure he or she is getting all the benefits an ex-spouse is entitled to. Because, again, it has no impact on you whatsoever, but the rules are complicated and many exes do not know how to navigate it.

Unfortunately, people often seem to think, mistakenly, that Social Security is some kind of savings/investment program, so if you “save” so much, and someone else gets to take some of “your” money, you’ll be left with less.

It’s not. It doesn’t work like that at all. It’s not a savings program. It’s not an investment. It’s not a 401k, it’s not an IRA, and it’s not an account with your name on it into which you saved. You didn’t put money “in” anywhere. You paid taxes. Period.

And the benefit that gets collected later on is not, in any way, a return of your money, or a return on your investment. It’s a complex benefit program funded by taxes, and on the whole, it’s intentionally highly highly redistributive — from folks who die young to folks who live long, from single people to married people, from wealthy to lower-income people, and from the healthy to the disabled.

But it’s not savings. And someone else collecting a benefit has no direct impact on you or your benefit.

So stop thinking about your ex. Or at least, stop worrying that what your ex does (regarding Social Security) has any impact on you. It doesn’t.

[Seriously, benefit options for ex-spouses can be very complicated, especially if one re-marries, and/or a spouse or ex spouse passes away. Don’t just go to Social Security and accept the defaults, either. The kind folks at Social Security mean well, but they don’t know your whole situation and can’t help you navigate strategies like collecting a survivor benefit while delaying your personal benefit or vice-versa. We highly recommend getting some professional assistance with this, or at least using one of the specialized software programs to help optimize claiming strategies.]